Word Power

What's happened to 2019?  Seems I was just settling into my Word of Year (Attune) in January then I blinked and found myself skidding into my favorite season.  The Holidays!  For me that begins mid-November  and ends January 2nd.  By nature, these earlier darkened nights, a holiday with the word "Thank" in its name, soft, dreamy lighting and decorations, prime my heart for reflection.  I am awe-struck and freshly excited every year at the annual celebration of the birth of Love, made flesh.  Redemptive, yes, but who also taught AND exemplified His Father's vision for  our lives and a better world. It always makes me want to do my part in building it. I know in order to do that, it takes a better me. I am a work in progress.  When the student is ready, the teacher will appear and that seems to happen when its time to herald in a new year and a word to focus on throughout the next year. One simple word. 

I'm in good company.  I just watched a recent interview with Melinda Gates who engages in the same practice every year. Clearly the impact her word has on her character and ultimately, humanity, is more measurable than mine.  I don't know how long she's been practicing the art of the word, but this will be my tenth year.  
   
As a starting point, I do an end of year inventory. This exercise is not like the bad old days when I played the shame game and then made these impossible resolutions I would/could never achieve.  I used my perceived failures and unmet goals to bludgeon my soul into a state of contrition with false promises for profound change in me just to make the beatings stop.  There is an immense sense of freedom in not being my own worst critic anymore. 

These days, I quietly sit in stillness and wait for the perfect word of the year for me to arise. I am always in awe at how the selection seems to come from a mysterious place outside my head and is exactly what I need.  I started listening more intently into the silence and then observing the signs and letting that guide me in the selection process. My word for 2019 was Attune. 

I've had glimpses of a better way of doing things when I pay attention to the voice within. Why not really dial into the mystical professionals that have so successfully led me to my word, year after year. What would it be like to do that year round? I believe in the power and omnipotence of a Creator who made both critters and me.  Somehow all God's creatures innately know how to navigate their worlds; what to eat, when to hibernate, fly south to warmer climates, protect their young,  sense danger, and stay safe. Clearly they were attuned to a guiding force that spoke their language. Surely this mammal with the bigger brain could lean into this too, although sometimes I believe a bigger brain isn't much of a blessing. Over thinking everything and listening to the constant chatter of the roommate in my head had always kept me immobilized and scared to death.  I wanted to learn how to access that confident knowing.  If I could just hone that skill.  I guessed attuning might be a good place to start.

Becoming attuned has been a daily a practice which grew out of meditation, sitting quietly, being in the moment, and mindfully paying attention, wherever I was, to whoever I was with, and whatever I was doing.  If I was stirring the pot, I stirred it without the background noise of the evening news, or letting my head wander into the forest where all the lions and tigers and bears hung out. I sat in mediation faithfully and found a path inward through my own breath.  Spring came, and I can't say I felt particularly like Moses or Paul.  I did however begin to develop a sense I should listen, and begin to pay very close attention; to events, the natural world with its messages, signs, symbols, and what some might call coincidences.  As I recognized there clearly was meaning in them, personal to me, it made me want to dive deeper.  It was no coincidence that I repeatedly woke to a clock that displayed the digital numbers 4:44 consecutive mornings.  It was no coincidence that I noticed how certain things felt in my body and honored the fear I felt, the green light I was given, and the direction I intuitively knew was right . It was no coincidence an answer would arrive through a phone call, email, or conversation.  It also was no coincidence when I would sit down to write,  a presence took over my fingers on the keyboard and later, reading what had been written, the words spoke the truth on things I had been seeking clarity about.   

 More than any other year, I know I was led to the word attune.  In 2018-2019 I found myself  consumed with great anger which began to feel like a toxic disease eating away at my ability to be kindness, love, and peace.  As I have done so many times before in my life, when I have hit a low, I innately knew to turn my will over to a creator that had my best interest at heart and was my greatest healing hope.  In order to do that I needed to be on the same frequency, tuned in to the mind of pure love. 

It's not a coincidence I began to let the anger I had been feeling with others who didn't believe like I did, melt into a set of loving eyes that showed me, at the very best, what God loved about them, and the very least soothed me into a clear recognition that everyone is on their own personal journey.  Some aren't as evolved in how to actually live in love as Jesus taught and its certainly not for me to judge their path.  We all experience karma as a result of our actions and decisions. I know I sure have.  That's how souls grow into the image of their Creator.  Seeing others in that manner has softened my heart some and allowed me to pray for the best for them rather than trying to argue and manipulate them into believing as I do. My passage is my own and the biggest purpose of this journey IS  learning and changing, and becoming.  I still get irritated by blatant bad behavior, but I know it is my responsibility to be attuned to how my conduct can be aligned with a higher good, not demanding their conduct fall into line with my beliefs. I can walk away respectfully when I've been led to move on and keep my hands in my own pockets.  

This recognition of the changes in my character have not come as a burning bush moment, rather it's been the cumulative effect of practice, day by day diligently tuning in.  Now, twelve months later, I see so much has changed.  Through the eyes of that inner well of wisdom, I am witnessing a more independent, confident, compassionate, accepting, and comfortable soul who knows where to turn when she needs a good listener, a lot of unconditional love and even more guidance. I have the tools. I've invested time in  building the relationship and it's up to me to keep those lines of communication open and tuning in.  

There is power in the word of the year. I have begun the gentle process of going within and then paying attention to what arises to be my companion for 2020.  I don't know, but the words, Trust, Light, and Nurture keep popping up.  I'll let you know when I've committed, but for now, you'll find me paying close attention and listening very, very closely.

Word of the Year 2019 - ATTUNE

Here we are nearing the end of January of a brand new year and I've finally just made a final selection of my guiding word for 2019. ATTUNE, It's defined as follows:

Attune: to bring into harmony, to make aware or responsive, adjust or accustom.  Derived from the word, tune which is bringing into the proper pitch.  

 I've engaged in this word of the year practice for awhile now, and every year my word mystically has guided me into situations, changes, and challenges that have helped to expand this still flawed, old soul.  I've changed in ways that have enhanced the quality of my life and felt guided by a mysterious mentor who led me to whatever word I needed that year in order to move to another level of becoming a grown-up spirit.  My incessant questions about who I am, what makes for a satisfying life, and, how can I get me one of the those, lead the search for the word.  It usually starts out a month or so before the year's end. I engage in some serious soul searching and  list words that drift into my head, or maybe I see a pattern with a particular word, or sometimes it shows up, repeatedly, almost like a spiritual slap up the side of my head.   Someone also suggested years ago, the best way to find your word is to ask the question, "How do I want to feel in the next year?" Free?  Creative? Motivated? Blossoming? Transformed?  I find myself, especially this year, becoming less ambitious, in a nurturing way, and the demands I place on myself seem  more laissez faire. That feels like a good thing.  However, I do have a deep desire to continue to become that version of me that God already sees. I think that takes building a deeper relationship with Him and those Higher Angels,  building understanding and being in concert with that Higher Mind as it pertains to my life.  I want those answers that guide my choices, ethics, and demeanor, to live and easily arise from a place of effortless intuition; in proper pitch with the Creator of the Universe who will  open my eyes on a daily basis (if I let Him) to Its perfection, and teaches me how to live in harmony with it, no matter what script is playing out.   

I recognized, at the very least it would take a lot of work to develop such a relationship - plenty of quiet time, reflection, meditation, prayer, study, yoga, nature and a myriad of other tools to practice being present and paying attention. I have been doing many of these things, intermittently. But, part-time isn't committing to a relationship, nor does it really build trust.   Trust isn't a strong suit of mine to begin with.  

This word just might be my most challenging.  Attune. 

It took me so long to wrap my arms around this powerful word of the year for 2019.  It is intimidating and I could be in for a real joy ride. What if I ask the question and the message gets scrambled?  What if the direction I am to take is uncharted territory? What if the change is too hard?  What if I get some kind of vicarious pleasure out of a bad habit? Taking up residence at my intuitive center, is like moving to a foreign country.  Language might be a barrier.  On the flip side, what's wrong with learning a new language? And, uncharted territory in my experience has often produced the sweetest fruits.  

Who knows how the year will end?  I am trying not to have any expectations, and just concentrate on attuning myself to the unlimited source of a harmonious life and letting go of how I think that ought to look. We'll talk again at the end of the year.  

Reflections - 2018 -The Year of Wabi-Sabi

My word of the year 2018 was Wabi-Sabi.  It’s a funny little word defined as a way of life that focuses on finding the beauty within the imperfections and accepting PEACEFULLY  the natural cycle of growth and decay.  In simple terms, acceptance of what IS carried a step further by consciously finding BEAUTY in things as they ARE; no matter our conditioning, prejudices, or how society tells us that should look. I don’t think I’ve ever accepted anything peacefully in my life. This has been a process.  I didn’t know that it would be at the beginning of this year. Nor did I know how everything that had happened to (for) me would become a tutorial in looking for the beauty.

Wabi- Sabi - it was a desperate word birthed from the feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was either start accepting and get my Wabi-Sabi on, or find myself beating my head up against a wall in frustration, because things weren’t how I wanted them to be, nothing was happening fast enough, and people just weren’t acting like they should.  Most disappointing was that my life seemed to be as far away from the life I had worked hard for, envisioned and dreamed of in this golden age. Here I was widowed, alone, less than healthy, unemployed, financially strapped,  and rapidly getting older.  The only upside I could see, was I was chronologically closer to heaven. I was bitter too.  I couldn't believe that those closest to me couldn't see my suffering and lend a hand, an ear, or a shoulder. Yeah, that sounded like a decaying, imperfect life, but there was no beauty, no growth and certainly no peace on my part.  The Law of Attraction wasn’t attracted to me.  I prophesied  enough doom and gloom to make Donald Trump look like little Donnie Sunshine.  But, this funny little Japanese word kept popping up in 2017,  which in itself seemed mystical.  It's not a word you see or hear frequently.  I finally considered it a sign. The very beginning of this year, I still struggled. How was I ever going to practice a Wabi-Sabi lifestyle when the last decade had pelted me with more than my share of proverbial crap?  That's not supposed to happen when you do the work, put yourself out there, be courageous, and have faith.  Is it?

I could come up with legitimate reasons as to why I had been depressed, unhappy, and functioning on low.  Even professionals empathetically verified them as life events that might put any human being into a tailspin. It helped me to know I wasn't just being a wimp.  But it didn't help enough to yank me out of the vortex. 

Tracing my steps backward, I see that it began with a severe heartbreak a decade before and left me questioning the authenticity of every relationship I’d ever been in my whole life, yes, including whether the love of my beloved deceased soulmate was even legit. He wasn't around to ask. That betrayal gouged a gaping hole in my trust of everyone, and was like a revisit to my childhood, something I clearly needed additional work on.  Still.  I once again, decided I could not rely on  my own judgement ever again. This left me anemic  for a very long time, not only in my friendships, but with some of my family too.  To pursue anything outside of my time-tested comfort zone (which was the size of a tiny house closet now) was frightening. My heart couldn't withstand another rejection or heartbreak. That closet kept not only my heart  confined, it presented itself in an unwillingness to take risks and expand myself  in most ANY way - personally and professionally. Donning my armor,  I only ventured into areas where at least I knew what to expect or didn't really care; even seeking employment in a familiar, but highly toxic environment which eventually became intolerable and I swear, made my body rebel just so I would be forced to take action.   My rationale in working in that kind of environment was fear based.  I needed a paycheck, and, I rationalized, at least I was familiar with this kind of dysfunction. There will be no surprises. My  body however, had a different plan in mind and went rogue on me.  Surgery after surgery and medication upon medication only lead me deeper in the closet. The job went by the wayside, a good thing, but I was so focused on the financial repercussions and my health and I was blanketed in constant worry. The loneliness was suffocating. 

It’s really not been until my word for 2018 chose me and   I consciously decided to live the Wabi-Sabi way, that I could see the beauty in the brokenness of these past years. Because of the blessed time on my hands,a life review and reflection were big blessings. You can't change anything until you acknowledge how and why you got where you got.   I began to take ownership of my role, prayed for  peaceful acceptance and as a result, I began to feel a bit of serenity and a sense of simplicity and order to my life.  For, every negative I had perceived I slowly awakened to the realization that things were amazingly working in my own best interests and for my own good, really, all along.  I began to appreciate that my fragile body was compensated by a curious mind that was leading me to research and engage in healthier, more holistic ways of managing my pain and discomfort. I voraciously immersed myself in Yoga, checked out Reiki, revisited Michael Singer's book, The Untethered Soul, and began to actively practice not listening to the roommate in my head.  I began to say yes, to every opportunity to be with my family, socialize, cultivate new friends. I took ownership of my life, what I tolerate and what I don't, stayed away from obvious pitfalls, and did my best.  My body’s ability to do many of the things I enjoyed before was rewarded instead by a mind that was becoming less restless, more interested in  savoring the sweetness of quiet moments, and listening, really hearing, the heartbeat of the Universe. 

This is not a "poor me" story and I'm sure to some this sounds simplistic.  It hasn't been really. It's  taken a consistent practice and effort to be grateful and live in a space of peaceful acceptance.  What I believe now is that it ALL has been a necessary part of my personal growth - the imperfections of life, the decay of relationships, bad habits, and a hopelessness that simply forced me into a transformational and very personal faith, and then, learning how to live there.  These events were the mile markers leading me to accept it all - the good, bad, and the ugly as way of truly appreciating the natural process of life and looking for the beauty in it. 

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in

Leonard Cohen

I know my word (Wabi-Sabi) was a seed from the mind of God, transplanted into mine.  He knew my manure enriched thoughts sprouted from depression and brokenness; His seed could be cultivated, and nurtured, and blossom into an acceptance of things as they were AND eventually lead to seeing the beauty in it through his Holy eyes. I accept this gift of a renewed vision and because of it,  I’ve decided my Word for 2019 will be ATTUNE.  I want to continue to rely on the seeds from my Creator and let Him show me how much easier life can be when I am in harmony with His plan.  I think that all begins with acceptance, a lesson I have learned well this year. 

Stay tuned for my Word of the Year thoughts on my 2019 word - ATTUNE.  And, Namaste!