I'm in good company. I just watched a recent interview with Melinda Gates who engages in the same practice every year. Clearly the impact her word has on her character and ultimately, humanity, is more measurable than mine. I don't know how long she's been practicing the art of the word, but this will be my tenth year.
As a starting point, I do an end of year inventory. This exercise is not like the bad old days when I played the shame game and then made these impossible resolutions I would/could never achieve. I used my perceived failures and unmet goals to bludgeon my soul into a state of contrition with false promises for profound change in me just to make the beatings stop. There is an immense sense of freedom in not being my own worst critic anymore.
These days, I quietly sit in stillness and wait for the perfect word of the year for me to arise. I am always in awe at how the selection seems to come from a mysterious place outside my head and is exactly what I need. I started listening more intently into the silence and then observing the signs and letting that guide me in the selection process. My word for 2019 was Attune.
I've had glimpses of a better way of doing things when I pay attention to the voice within. Why not really dial into the mystical professionals that have so successfully led me to my word, year after year. What would it be like to do that year round? I believe in the power and omnipotence of a Creator who made both critters and me. Somehow all God's creatures innately know how to navigate their worlds; what to eat, when to hibernate, fly south to warmer climates, protect their young, sense danger, and stay safe. Clearly they were attuned to a guiding force that spoke their language. Surely this mammal with the bigger brain could lean into this too, although sometimes I believe a bigger brain isn't much of a blessing. Over thinking everything and listening to the constant chatter of the roommate in my head had always kept me immobilized and scared to death. I wanted to learn how to access that confident knowing. If I could just hone that skill. I guessed attuning might be a good place to start.
Becoming attuned has been a daily a practice which grew out of meditation, sitting quietly, being in the moment, and mindfully paying attention, wherever I was, to whoever I was with, and whatever I was doing. If I was stirring the pot, I stirred it without the background noise of the evening news, or letting my head wander into the forest where all the lions and tigers and bears hung out. I sat in mediation faithfully and found a path inward through my own breath. Spring came, and I can't say I felt particularly like Moses or Paul. I did however begin to develop a sense I should listen, and begin to pay very close attention; to events, the natural world with its messages, signs, symbols, and what some might call coincidences. As I recognized there clearly was meaning in them, personal to me, it made me want to dive deeper. It was no coincidence that I repeatedly woke to a clock that displayed the digital numbers 4:44 consecutive mornings. It was no coincidence that I noticed how certain things felt in my body and honored the fear I felt, the green light I was given, and the direction I intuitively knew was right . It was no coincidence an answer would arrive through a phone call, email, or conversation. It also was no coincidence when I would sit down to write, a presence took over my fingers on the keyboard and later, reading what had been written, the words spoke the truth on things I had been seeking clarity about.
More than any other year, I know I was led to the word attune. In 2018-2019 I found myself consumed with great anger which began to feel like a toxic disease eating away at my ability to be kindness, love, and peace. As I have done so many times before in my life, when I have hit a low, I innately knew to turn my will over to a creator that had my best interest at heart and was my greatest healing hope. In order to do that I needed to be on the same frequency, tuned in to the mind of pure love.
It's not a coincidence I began to let the anger I had been feeling with others who didn't believe like I did, melt into a set of loving eyes that showed me, at the very best, what God loved about them, and the very least soothed me into a clear recognition that everyone is on their own personal journey. Some aren't as evolved in how to actually live in love as Jesus taught and its certainly not for me to judge their path. We all experience karma as a result of our actions and decisions. I know I sure have. That's how souls grow into the image of their Creator. Seeing others in that manner has softened my heart some and allowed me to pray for the best for them rather than trying to argue and manipulate them into believing as I do. My passage is my own and the biggest purpose of this journey IS learning and changing, and becoming. I still get irritated by blatant bad behavior, but I know it is my responsibility to be attuned to how my conduct can be aligned with a higher good, not demanding their conduct fall into line with my beliefs. I can walk away respectfully when I've been led to move on and keep my hands in my own pockets.
This recognition of the changes in my character have not come as a burning bush moment, rather it's been the cumulative effect of practice, day by day diligently tuning in. Now, twelve months later, I see so much has changed. Through the eyes of that inner well of wisdom, I am witnessing a more independent, confident, compassionate, accepting, and comfortable soul who knows where to turn when she needs a good listener, a lot of unconditional love and even more guidance. I have the tools. I've invested time in building the relationship and it's up to me to keep those lines of communication open and tuning in.
There is power in the word of the year. I have begun the gentle process of going within and then paying attention to what arises to be my companion for 2020. I don't know, but the words, Trust, Light, and Nurture keep popping up. I'll let you know when I've committed, but for now, you'll find me paying close attention and listening very, very closely.
