Wabi-Simplicity
Sabi - The beauty of age and wear
I’ve been selecting a word of the year for the last seven years. Most of my life I made lofty New Year’s Resolutions which left me in a shroud of shame and feeling like a dead beat for the rest of each year. Lose ten pounds turned into thinking about food all the time and gaining ten pounds. Be kinder turned into being a doormat, and writing my memoir left me with such severe feelings of vulnerability and writers block I could barely sign my own name on a greeting card. As I grew older I recognized I was the one breaking my own heart and stopped resolving, after one final resolution. I resolved to ban shame from my life. Whether it came in the form of other human beings that needed to use it as a tool to feel superior, or from some warped idea on my part that it could be a motivator.
I read an article which suggested rather than making a resolution that was accomplishment based, identify how you wanted to FEEL in the upcoming year. For example, instead of resolving to lose weight, identify why you want to lose weight. What is the emotion at the bottom of that? Maybe it is to physically feel better. Your word then instead might be Healthy or Alive. Or, maybe buried below that desire to lose weight might really be to feel accepted or loved. Identifying how you want to FEEL opens up a whole new pathway and focal point for your year, guiding you into subtle changes that promote healthy living. If you don’t identify the FEELINGS beneath the resolve to lose weight, but you are really wanting to feel healthy, alive, accepted or loved, simply losing weight isn’t going to get your there. However, if your Word of the Year is to feel Healthy, you might actually ask the question at the start of the day, “What can I do today to promote my good health?” Or, “Will taking part in a yoga class with like-minded others, help me feel accepted.” You see the difference?
It does take some soul-searching, but I can tell you at the end of every year, my Word has changed me. Some years more profoundly than others, but I like to think of my word as divinely inspired road signs on my quest to be the me God created. And, I’ve learned it's an endless journey, in His time, not mine.
It all began in 2011. My word of the year was BLOSSOM. My first experience in the New Year of blossoming came a week in. I contracted Shingles. On my face. Every morning, across the left side of my face, a new patch of crusty looking sores opened up like time lapse photography of a flower; from bud to bloom to black death. Blossoming for sure, but not how I saw my word revealing itself. Horrified and confined to the house out of fear of emotionally scarring anyone who laid eyes on me, I had plenty of time to reflect. My word was working. Stress was at an all time high, and taking care of myself was not even on the to-do list. What did that say about my professions of really loving myself? What a phony! By the end of the year, I understood the meaning of loving myself. We nurture the things we love and under that care, blossoming begins. I also learned it was possible to bloom wherever I was planted. That was up to me.
The words continued through the years:
Blossom, Freedom, Fearless, Create, Authentic, Transformation.
Each year the word would arrive almost through a series of mystical, ah-ha moments, or in a few cases, a couple of spiritual bonks on the head.
Wabi-Sabi - the first time I became aware of the word, it was printed on the front of a greeting card. I liked the sound of it, although it reminded me of the word Wasabi, that hot green stuff served with sushi. Maybe it meant “hot stuff” I thought. But, then it appeared a few more times in the form of messages and the definition was made clear. A few words leapt off the pages, leaving the rest a blur. FINDING BEAUTY and ACCEPTING PEACEFULLY. It referenced a way of life that sounded not only appealing to me, but necessary.
How many times in the past few years with the immobility of surgeries, health issues, money issues, and too much time on what I saw as very empty hands, had I felt defeated and depressed. How much time was I wasting pining for how I envisioned my Golden Years. Financial security, good health, a mate, or someone to share adventures and explore the things I didn’t have either the time or money because of work, obligation, and busyness in what I viewed as my productive years. Golden Years my ass, which also seemed to be growing faster than I could kick it back into gear. I felt invisible with a voice that frequently seemed to be muted by no one interested in hearing it. I thought I could deal with a few of the imperfections resulting from aging - the grey hair that was creeping up the hairline by my ears, wrinkles carved into the sides of my mouth, an aching body, and even the skinny bank account. But was I really? I had worked hard, been on my own more of my life than with any real help, never abused the system, paid my own way. Then I stopped. Life is rarely seen as fair, by anyone. Everyone has their own cross, grief, and despair. The real sucker punch to my heart was the feeling of uselessness that accompanied a ghost like existence.
There had to be a pathway to acceptance without giving up. There was. Wabi-Sabi.
I think my intention is already kicking in. Yesterday as I sat across from a very special, older friend, who I always looked at as living those Golden Years I craved, I said, “You know, I’ve simmered down some lately, and am looking at this time on my hands as a gift from God. When I was working so hard, striving and zoned in on accomplishment, I used to wish for time to pursue things I love; like being creative, taking care of my spiritual body, and enjoying the grand kids and family activities.” I have that now, and I am focusing on being grateful for all of that.” My next thought was, where did that come from? Yes, it’s begun.
I can’t wait to see if this year ends with a real Wabi-Sabi lifestyle. If it doesn’t, I pray that I will at the very least, peacefully accept the natural cycle of growth and decay. Here’s to 2018 “hot stuff”.
